The absent father effect on daughters

Animal Farm, a satirical novel by George Orwell, was the first book that came to mind when I thought about past book reports from school. While we read works by authors like Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Harper Lee, and Nigel Hinton, Orwell’s book truly stands out for me. His real name was Eric Blair, but many people overlook that lesser-known fact. The more you know. As a novelist, writer, poet, and journalist, literature was his primary focus, so it’s no surprise that this book would be the first I remember.

I have not written a book report in many years and I don’t intend on writing one anytime soon either. As a youngster, I struggled with English. Both in the spoken and written format, but I was determined to learn more and gain a better understanding of the language. It was Ms Hicks that truly served as a source of inspiration and encouraged me to get better. English is ranked as the number one language around the world with about 1.5 billion speakers, check it out. By mastering the most basic rules of the language, I thought to myself at the time, I would be able to form so many connections with ease. In this issue, I merely wish to do a brief review of a book I came across recently, and it’s called (you guessed it!) “The Absent Father Effect on Daughters” by Susan Schwartz.

Susan Schwartz is a clinical psychologist based in the USA. Don’t worry this is not a “Get to know, Susan.” post so I won’t bore you with her life story. I do however want to focus on one or two of the ideas.

In her book, Susan explores the lasting impact of paternal absence in the life of a young girl. According to her research, fathers play a significant role in the development of their daughter's emotional and overall well-being. I don’t think this is a new concept as I feel we all have an internal understanding of it. Susan masterfully elaborates on themes of self-esteem, identity and also how not having a present father directly impacts the self-worth of a young girl, painting a very poignant picture of the consequential effect.

The internal struggle:

One of the most illuminating aspects of the book is the internal struggles daughters have to face. Constantly wrestling with thoughts of whether they are good enough, and why if it is the case their father has decided to abandon them. Feelings of validation and security are necessary for any child, but seemingly girls get this from their fathers. An example of love early on in the masculine form sets the benchmark for what kind of relationship ought to be in place with other male figures. Women who struggle with meaningful connection later in life, in most instances she says, can be traced back to not having had a relationship at all or at the very least a meaningful one with their fathers.

Adult relationship dynamics:

A lack of validation leads to daughters (and sons) seeking it elsewhere. The main focus in this issue of course is daughters but sons, young men, face a devastatingly similar reality. This sets the tone for adult relationships. Struggles with fears of intimacy, connection, trust, feelings of worth and forming nurturing relationships is the direct result of the absent father.

There are many themes in this book that I have not even touched on and an equal number that I don’t fully understand. I’ll read up on those themes and maybe find less academic works that elaborate on them. If I do, I’ll be sure to share it. Susan’s book is well worth the read to gain an elevated understanding of the importance of the formative developmental phases that a child goes through and how important it is that one’s father be there.

I have personally come across a lot of my female peers and friends who have similar stories of paternal absence and who have shared their struggles in dealing with it. It is not just documented in the literature but supported by these stories.

Conclusion

I have a daughter now, and one of the most crucial things I wish to understand about the relationship I ought to build with my daughter is how to instil a sense of confidence and reassure her of an internal locus of control that she possesses. I want her to know that I love her beyond measure and despite anything in the world, I will always be there.

My takeaway from this book is that even though I am fallible, even though I want to overcomplicate things and develop a fail-proof formula to raise my daughter in the best way possible, simply being present gets me halfway there.

Euan