Endless exhaustion

Help!

I’m tired!

Being 29 should theoretically be the sweet spot of adult life. You’re not too old to have fun, but not too young to be irresponsible. At least that’s what I tell myself. I should be in the prime of my life here ladies and gentlemen, ready to take on the world and conquer my career, hobbies, and even my social life (remember those?). Instead, I am … well, tired I’d say. Not always but most days, and rearing an 18-month-old daughter is not an easy task.

If you’ve never had an 18-month-old, let me break it down for you: It’s like living with a tiny hurricane that has no off switch, zero comprehension of personal boundaries, and the emotional stability of a caffeinated Jack Russel terrier. Despite my daughter being wonderful and sweet, the thing is—there’s no rest. No pause. Just an endless cycle of chaos, confusion, fun, sleep-deprivation and so much parenting. My wife, I think can attest to this, more so than me. She’s the real hero of this story.

Before becoming a dad, I remember the days when “tired” was a term I used to describe feeling slightly sleepy after a long day at work or even a day at Varsity to go further back. Now? Now I’m tired in ways I didn’t know were even possible. I’m tired in my bones. I’m tired in my back, my head, my neck, ultimately… I’m tired in my soul.

Gone are the days of feeling rejuvenated by a good night’s sleep. You think I’m kidding? No! This is real!

I can appreciate the wonderful blessing of being a parent, but to be truthful it can also be very difficult at times. As a first-time parent, you end up going through a particular phase of your child’s life at the same time they are; learning in real-time.

At 18 months, toddlers generally start testing their independence, which sounds like a cute milestone until you realize that their idea of “independence” is to throw tantrums over the fact that the apple slices aren’t the perfect size. My daughter is no exception…she loves her apple slices perfectly sized.

The tantrums? Oh, they’re real. We have not been experiencing a ton of them but they are becoming more frequent. Tantrums as I have learnt are not reserved for when things go wrong—nope, they’ll throw themselves onto the floor and scream if they’re simply asked to wear socks or shoes. My wife and I often have to convince my daughter that putting on shoes isn’t a violation of her civil rights. But spoiler alert: The shoes win. Always.

The truth about parenthood? … It’s exhausting, yes, but worth it!

At the end of the day, I’m really tired. The kind of tiredness where I wonder if sleep is just a myth. But here’s the thing—I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Yeah, my daughter’s constant need for attention and her 5:30 AM wake-up calls are brutal, but they’re also a reminder that this phase won’t last forever. One day, she won’t need me or her mother to carry her around or sing her to sleep, and I’ll probably miss those moments. (Don’t tell me that now though, because I’m in the middle of the “why is she crying over a television remote” phase).

So, here’s to every dad out there who’s running on fumes, drinking lukewarm coffee or potentially cold coffee, and pretending like they’ve got it all together. We’re not tired. We’re just, uh, “seasoned.” Keep going, dads! You’re doing great. Even if it’s mostly in survival mode.

Euan

The Sweet Jam Journal

These are still ongoing… another installment of the SJJ. Leon Bridges, heard of him before? He is the embodiment of bring back “Oldies” feel with a fresh twist on the sound. Although he is not a breakout artist, his music appeals to me for the calm that it brings. Have a listen to “Beyond” by clicking the link below and take a deep dive into his discography when you have the time!